Christmas is over and we are now into a New Year. Often the start of a New Year can be a time for reflection and thinking about what's gone before and what you might want going forward. For some it might well be a case of “New year, new me” going into the year with a set of resolutions and good intentions however, whilst setting goals can be beneficial quite often New Year's resolutions fail and can have the opposite intention.

 

Instead of being uplifting and positive resolutions can actually end up being the source of anxiety, stress and depression. Setting resolutions can add to the pressure we feel to conform to expectations and weigh you down further if you are not able to stick to them. It can be the start of a vicious cycle, having high, often unrealistic, expectations and not meeting them leading to a sense of failure and disappointment in yourself. 

 

Are New Year resolutions toxic?

 

This is subjective of course however, for some people they can certainly feel toxic for example;

 

  • Life gets in the way, let's say you plan on going to the gym every day but have to miss a session to deal with an emergency, that then turns into two missed sessions which can lead to that sense of well forget it then I've failed so what's the point.
  • Biting off more than you can chew, meaning you are unable to meet the high expectations you have set for yourself, can have an impact on your self-esteem
  • Impact on your self-image, not achieving those resolutions could lead to you labelling yourself as a failure or a loser. Negative self talk can lead you to going into a depressive state or experiencing low mood and an impact on your mental health

 

Setting goals 

 

Setting goals is a good thing and can lead to self improvement and an increase in self-worth and self-esteem; however, the way you do this is important. Start small, set realistic, achievable goals and take the pressure off. Celebrate all the small wins and reflect and look back on how far you've come. Be consistent, don't compare yourself to others and perhaps consider rewarding yourself for your achievements. Avoid sudden and drastic, unachievable and unrealistic goals. 

 

Offering yourself compassion and kindness will have an impact on how you feel about yourself, your achievements and can increase your self-esteem. 

 

So before you dive into writing out those resolutions take a step back and think about the impact they could have on you and your mental health and see if a different approach could be best for you.

 

As part of my work with clients in counselling sessions I have been able to help them to set realistic, achievable goals, if this is something that interests you please get in touch to discuss how I could support you.