Shame is a deeply complex and often painful emotion. We all experience feelings of shame in our lives. It can come about in numerous ways, for example, feeling like you have done something immoral or dishonourable.
Shame is often intertwined with guilt however, it is a different emotion. Guilt comes from feeling bad about something that you have done whereas shame is feeling bad about who you are as a person. Both shame and guilt are part of the human experience but can feel like a heavy weight to carry, especially if you are doing so alone.
Shame often originates from our childhood and we carry it with us into our adult lives.
Symptoms of Shame
It could manifest itself as you avoiding eye contact, feeling frozen or being overly sensitive to criticism. You may recognise typical feelings associated with shame such as feeling isolated or isolating yourself as a coping strategy or being quite self-critical.
You may feel yourself withdrawing from others or struggling to make connections or maintain relationships. It carries with it an innate sense of worthlessness or a feeling that you are somehow defective.
How does Shame impact us?
Living with shame can lead to a person developing low self-esteem and having a negative self-image. Carrying this over time can lead to a person often blaming themselves for issues in their lives and it can make it harder to connect with others.
You may view yourself as unworthy or deeply flawed, creating a deep loneliness within you. There is a fear that you will be rejected, therefore withdrawing from others is a way of coping with, or avoiding those feelings. Over time this could lead to the development of deeper mental health problems such as anxiety or depression.
How can I work through Shame?
Asking for help is ok, although this may feel shameful in itself. Recognising that you are not alone, we all make mistakes and that's part of being human. Understanding what shame is, how it has impacted on your life and experiences is a good starting point to help you process the emotion and begin to understand yourself more. Being able to recognise where it came from and work through it is important. Offering yourself some self-compassion and kindness is a way of working through shame and coming to terms with its impact on you.
Therapy can help you to recognise the emotion of shame, by working through the origins of shame, in a supportive and non-judgemental environment, you can begin the process of reframing it, increasing your self-awareness before going on to create strategies to help you cope. You can then begin to unburden the weight of the shame by talking, addressing and working through your issues.
If this resonates with you and you would like to know more about how therapy can support you, please get in touch.